Time Spent Alone
by Homesweetdali
Summary: Follows 8.01: Dean reflects on his time in Purgatory whenever a memory strikes him.
1. Chapter 1

His consciousness was ripped from underneath him as a bolt of thunder tore through the silent void, causing Dean to stagger awake.

He surveyed the hotel room, stopping to look through one of the windows there.  
It was daytime outside, but the storm made it seem like it was later than it actually was. The skies were murky and grey, the sun hid behind a haze.

He could hear the shower running from the bathroom, where he supposed Sam must've been.

With a sudden urgency, Dean clenched his pillow with both hands and grimaced into it, screaming out some incoherent sounds.  
When he was done,the storm had subsided, leaving only the sound of the shower dripping autonomously in the background.

He continued to stare out of the window as his mind drifted...

The expression on Cas' face prompted Dean to do many things. He wanted to yell to him for one- for leaving him to die, alone and directly in harm's way.  
He wanted to wrangle him up by his collar and ask him just what exactly he'd been thinking to do that to someone. How he could be such a coward-such a failure of a friend.

At the same time Dean couldn't help stifle the nagging weight of guilt as Cas' confused gaze landed almost instantaneously on Benny.

"This is Benny. He's gunna help us, Cas." The amount of doubt that lingered behind the half-hearted statement almost made him take back the words entirely.

"You shouldn't be here." Cas said, focusing on Dean.

Dean looked at him sternly, already forming spiteful phrases in his head.

"I am wanted. My grace is like a beacon in Purgatory, and they are looking for me, even now."

"Well, you heard him, let's get go-" Benny started.

"No." Dean interrupted. "We made a deal."

Cas looked between the two of them, eyes creasing.  
Dean looked back at him, standing dominantly positioned in the dirt. The blood and filth encrusted in his clothes made him seem almost unrecognizable, and strangely savage.

"You're coming with us." He demanded.

A/N: this is going to be an ongoing story- the chapters won't be as long as I ussually write, but that's on purpose; I wanted to make a more condensed story for this particular subject. Mostly this will be various musings about the mysterious time in Purgatory and how it could've played out.


	2. Chapter 2

Dean was standing by a river.

The Impala had been low on fuel, stranding them on the side of a dirt road.  
Sam had already taken the initiative to locate the nearest gas station, which left Dean to keep a protective watch over his 'baby' in the mean time.

He observed the subtle flow of the stream and the small fish that swam there and how these two birds fought over them, arguing.

"He's a liability!" Benny spat.  
He was standing face to face with Dean.

Cas was right. He was wanted, and fighting in Purgatory had since then been non-stop, even more so than before.

They were beginning to show signs of fatigue after coming across a group of werewolves who'd caught on to their scent, but not before they'd noticed Cas' aura shining through the dark crevices of this place.

"Hey!" Dean shouted in Cas' direction, ignoring Benny's frustrated pleas.

Cas looked passive, sitting on top of a large rock that was firmly planted in the ground.  
He looked up at him vacantly; it made Dean want to cringe.

"How are you holding up?" Dean asked him.

"I told you this would happen. You should leave me here- they'll only keep coming."

Benny sighed submissively.  
"Dean, why don't you just listen to your feathered friend here. We're practically a walking target."

Dean closed his eyes for a moment before making his rebuttal.

"Why don't you take a good look around you, you've been here long enough-you know what it's like." He gestured assertively to Benny.

"We will always be targets...but in the end, so will they." He started to walk up beside Cas before he spoke again.

"I ain't leaving him behind."

"If that's how it's gunna be-" Benny started to walk.  
"-You sure are a stubborn ass, you know that?" The three of them exchanged looks before Benny shrugged his shoulders and continued to walk.

Cas followed closely behind him.

Dean who was still looking at Benny, smirked triumphantly as he caught up with the other two.

When Sam returned, Dean was staring intently at the birds-each had caught a fish of its own.

"Ready to go?" Sam asked him, brows raised. He looked slightly concerned.

Dean broke his focus, briefly rubbing at his jaw.

"Yeah. Let's get going."


	3. Chapter 3

"Son of a bitch!" Dean hissed, drawing back from a stack of files he'd been sifting through.

The area between his thumb and forefinger was cut and stung whenever he moved the skin.

"You alright?" Sam said. He was doing the same, looking over case-files from the bed.  
Dean sat adjacent to him, seated at a small desk in the corner of the room.

"Yeah, yeah. Just a paper cut." He waved his hand in the air to show him.

"That's pretty deep." Sam said scrutinizingly.

Dean looked back at his hand which by now was beginning to draw blood.  
His eyes glazed over as he watched the red liquid slide down both sides of his palm.

"...yeah, I'll see if there's something in the bathroom I can use to patch this up." He then slid out from his chair, closing the door behind him as he entered the other room.

#

Dean was merciless.

There was something so feral about the way he fought. His actions surpassed basic instinct, and were more like an inherited predisposition.

They'd encountered a handful of Skinwalkers after going through a multitude of other creatures-some of which they'd interrogated after finding a lead that'd been divulged through one very frightened Rugaru.

Despite the useful information however, the Rugaru was killed regardless so as not to leave a trail.  
Dean was very thorough.

The Skinwalkers provided more of a challenge, taking all three of them at once.  
At one point during the fight Cas had been stricken down, and having lacked the powers it took to recuperate, he stayed propped against a tree.

Benny and Dean didn't notice at first, until the final Skinwalker began to target him.

Dean was the first to lunge at it, tearing and stabbing until it didn't bother fighting back anymore.

It hadn't gone down easily though. The creature had clawed at Dean with equal ferocity, drawing a deep cut along his right cheek that passed through his lip and down to the tip of his chin. Dean didn't seem to notice, primarily focused on Cas.

Cas looked at Dean in an odd way that Dean couldn't seem to understand.  
He leaned towards Cas, holding out his hand to pull him up and smirked once more with confidence.  
His wound made the endearing gesture appear to be more unsettling than anything.

Cas remained unmoved, instead raising his own hand and brought it up to meet the side of Dean's face.  
Dean felt a warm throbbing along his skin, and gingerly touched his face. Cas had healed him-with what little power he had left.

Silently, Castiel stood by himself and proceeded to walk passed Dean-lips drawn.

Dean watched him in confusion, his once prideful smirk turned into a conflicted frown. He was interrupted by Benny's sudden laughter.

Benny walked up to Dean and clasped him roughly on the shoulder.

"Hot wing's a bit of a softy, huh?"

Dean didn't respond. Benny removed his hand in turn, briefly looking at the ground. He was still grinning, slightly.

They continued to walk.

A/N: I keep giving Sam 'one-liners'  
XD I tried to shorten this one. Some of you might like longer chapters but I wanted to keep it simplistic. More to come, hopefully before the newest episode plays.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I apologiiiiiiize for my delay. So much school work plus I'm getting a cold. :'( I feel terrible in more ways than one. I didn't submit this as soon as I wanted because if I had the quality would've been awful-I literally had nothing to write (my mind was blank) this is the last part of this piece and the longest, enjoy! P.s. forgive my grammatical errors please :3 (I edited the rough bits)  
-

It was like how any other hunt might have ended.  
With a smile and a nod, Dean left the motel cautioning Sam not to 'wait up' for him as he made his way over to the bar.  
However as Dean closed the door behind him, his face had become very plaintive.

Before settling into the Impala, Dean quickly pulled out his phone to check a message.  
He sighed roughly through his nostrils while he tugged his keys out from his pocket, switching them with the cellphone.

Rain poured down in heavy sheets.

It was already dark by the time he was on the road, making it that much harder for him to see.

The sound of rain pounded down on Dean's windshield canceling out all other noises. He shut off his music, agitated from not being able to hear it over the constant clamoring outside.

It was eating at him-the roar of the thunder, until he couldn't think of anything else...

'Dean!'

"No-" Dean grimaced, gripping at the wheel with fevor.  
He briefly squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to withhold whatever it was inside of him-trying to suppress that image, but it would not dissipate.  
Dean felt a dull pang in his chest, and clenched his hand over his heart.

He then shifted painfully, causing the car to steer slightly astray on the abandoned road.

When his destination had been reached, Dean came to an abrupt stop. His breathing was heavy and slow.  
Gradually, he unhooked his palm from his chest and combed through his hair.

Stepping out of the Impala, he focused his sights on the building in front of him. Not a bar, but a house.

It was a small neighborhood, and the houses here were moderately large and spaced far apart from one another. The lamp-posts were craned and stuck out from every corner, casting faint amber hues on the dirt ground and all along the grey sidewalks.

Dean walked up to the doorstep of this particular home-not much different from the others in appearance, although it did have a certain gloom that made it seem to be slightly aged in comparison.  
He cleared his throat and reached for the knocker, but before he could grab ahold of it the door was pulled out of reach.

"Well hey there, brother."

To anyone else it may have looked like two friends catching up on the by and by-simply chatting, but underneath it all was a less than enjoyable prospect.

"Can I see him?" Dean grunted, drinking a beer he'd been given earlier in the conversation.

Benny looked down the hallway, then back at Dean.

"If you're up for it." He spoke with levity but his expression was drawn.

Dean said nothing as he stood and started down the dark hall.

There were five rooms, but all except for one held little or no importance to him.  
The door was cracked open, letting a warm sliver of light seep through.

Dean stopped for a moment, then impulsively pushed his way in.

It was eerie, how calm it felt in that room.

Dean walked up to the bed and looked down at the one lying there.  
He swiped a hand down his own face and sighed at the tightening in his chest.

Cas was comatose and much to Dean's distress, had been hooked up to multiple IVs.  
The sight was off-putting.

"He's definitely human." Benny chimed in, leaning on the doorway-arms crossed.

"Have to change those dang IVs all the time."  
A sudden lurch in Dean's chest kept him from responding. Benny shifted with intrigue.

"You ever figure out,...how to let him go?" He said carefully.

Dean wavered his head sternly from side to side, pacing his breaths.  
Benny nodded in consideration breaking his focus, he then politely left the Dean to himself.

Dean looked back down at Cas, pulling a chair beside him and sat with his arms atop his knees.

The memories returned in pieces.

'Dean!'  
...

'It's the only way to pass through to the other side... as a human.  
...

'Let's go!'  
-

Dean leaped forward in his chair, grabbing Cas' hand with his own.

"I promise. I'm going to get you out, Cas."

He released his hold, again placing a firm hand over his heart. He gazed lowly at that exact spot.

"I promise."


End file.
